and also that i should be using my flickr more now since i got a digital camera. it's just a cheap $60 one with "zoom" (aka zoom in, the lense doesn't move lol) and a VERY short battery life and a VERY small memory but hey - it's something to dink around with!
It's the Military, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press. It's the Military, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It's the Military, not the politicians that ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. It's the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag.
If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for the Military, please pass this on and pray for our men and women who have served and are currently serving our country and pray for those who have given us the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.
Faith in a creed can go stale—faith in Christ can be fresh every day.
I can't believe it's been over a week and a half - almost TWO WEEKS - since I moved down here to Colorado Springs!!! It seems like it's been a LOT longer, but in a very good way. I absolutely love it down here. I mean, if I could pick ANYWHERE to live in the country (and Jeffrey would be there also, LOL), it may not be my first pick (ok, so it probably wouldn't be), but it is VERY beautiful down here. The weather is pretty cool - very hot at times but also very damp and when it's cool, it's very cool (as in brrrrrrr cold, lol). :P If it weren't for the mountains, I don't think there would be any beauty to this place, but they're incredible. Sometimes you can see them outlined in the dusk against the sky, all different shades of light and navy blue. At night when you're headed into a valley you can see the city lights speckle the mountain sides like glitter. They're also beautiful in the sunrise, during storms, and just all the time.
*****But what makes living in Colorado Springs ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL is the fact that my Jeffrey J is living here!!! :D!!! It is SUCH an INCREDIBLE blessing, after all those months of not being able to see each other, to be able to call each other up and just say "prayin for you, hope you're havin a good day and to be able to get together after work and kidnap each other, lol. It's so incredible just to be able to sit by him while we each do our seperate thing, just to be near him and to be able to look over at him and make a funny face or just smile. It's so incredible to be able to do things with him, like swim and listen to music and tickle each other, lol. I love car rides with him, just every single moment is special. And MOST OF ALL it's SO WONDERFUL to be able to have God time together - I know I learn a LOT from him and I hope he learns a lot from me too, by God's grace. I CAN'T WAIT to go "church shopping" with him - to actually be able to go to a service with him will be incredible!!! It's so wonderful to be able to pray with him, to hug him, to spend a whole day with him every once in awhile ... I just hope and pray that I never, ever take it for granted. WHAT A DREAM COME TRUE - and two think that just two months ago I was still in Vermillion, wondering how in the world I'd ever get to Colorado Springs, and just three or four months ago I was doubting it would even happen. THANK GOD I'M HERE!!!!!!! It's SUCH a God thing!!!!
Despite how wonderful all of this is, I don't EVER want to downplay how wonderful all those months were that we couldn't see each other but we could talk. We've said before that our relationship really couldn't have started any other way, and coudln't have started in any better way. The intimacy that we were able to build before we ever saw each other face to face, the realization that as much as we longed to see each other face to face, it wasn't the most important thing by a long shot, just being able to see God weave our lives together from like 5,000 miles away - INCREDIBLE. What a story we have - only GOD could have dreamed it up and only GOD could have worked it out. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Work can def. be stressful, but it's goin good! I got the low-level management job at Aeropostale after only a few months in retail (also def. a God thing - what isn't?! :D), so I've been workin that off and on while I phase out of Eddie Bauer. EB is going to keep me for floorsets once every six weeks during Sunday evenings. That way, my foot is in the door, I keep my discount, and if they want to offer me management when opportunities arise in the near future, they can. I also applied to The Teddy Bear Factory. I would LOVE to work there cuz it's SUCH a happy place, but it would have to be part time, only a few hours a week def (more for fun than for the pay check), and they would have to be flexible with my Aero schedule, so we'll see. I probably won't need the hours, and I don't wanna be TOO busy, so again, they'd have to be willing to just give me like 5 - 10 hours a week and to work around my Aero schedule. We'll see! Don't wanna be TOO busy! I'm also looking at finding a magazine or two to write for around here ... again, don't wanna be too busy though ... and I wanted to volunteer at a homeless shelter like once a week ... and with the JDRF ... I don't know how I'm going to fit it all in though!!!!! haha. :D
I love my apartment. It's great having my own place! I have everything organized and like, set up very nicely but ask Jeffrey - it's MESSY. LOL. I mean it's a LOT better than my room back in Omaha was, but not great. I have a lot to work on.
But hopefully I'll get my room, and my life, more organized this weekend. I woke up at 3:30 am this morning to get up and drop off Jeffrey at the airport. I prob. won't see him again till Tuesday - maybe even Tuesday evening - so I'll have plenty of time to myself to get things done this weekend ... which ... hooray for plenty of time to get things done, but it'll be MORE than enough, LOL. Oh well. Maybe I'll get some good reading done or something too, and I have PLENTY of hours to work I'm sure, lol.
Well sorry I've been so terrible about keeping in touch! I have to get ready for work now, but this evening and this weekend I'm gonna work on writing yall emails and callin yall. If you're ever in the COS/Denver area, please get in touch with me and we'll get together!!! Miss yall!
God Bless,
Erin Marie :P
PS - Jeffrey and his mom Terri both have some GREAT pics up of COS - scenery and our time together. Click the Jeffrey's Flickr and Terri's Flickr links to the left. I'll probably work on an entry later with some pictures or something, but not right now. Enjoy the pics! The scenery ones Jeffrey has up are beautiful! :D!
otay, this entry is twinkies with jeffrey's entry, lol. he only has one more shower left in the land of shower shoes and porta johns (uhhhh ... shower flip flips and porta potties??? Lol :P) and i only have one more shower left in the land of the CORNHUSKERS ...
yeah that was WAY lame, lol.
anyway i don't really know what to say except ...
Omaha really is a great place to live. after 17 or so years, i highly recommend it. great place to raise kids too.
alas, i leave.
HOORAY! :D!
as of 4 am, erin marie is on her way from the cornfields to the mountains ...
wowie. i don't even know what to say. there is so much to say but i am so exhausted. just got back from COS this mornin at 6 am. i leave monday at like 5 am.
19 dosen't feel a bit different at all. i was already rounding up. but aside from working, which was just fine, i did have a great birthday. big thanks to the Bapsts, who sang me happy bday on my answering machine!!! :D! that really made my day! and my family, who got me pjs and a spiderman pillow, and made me breakfast for dinner with LOTS of protein! and manders, who remembered after all this time and hung out with me and got me a sweet card and a target gift card!
i'm going to bed now ... tomorrow ... church work pack sleep COS COS COS COS COS COS ...
19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 19 ...
one track mind.
i'm out.
gonna be some changes, some changes made. can't keep on doin what i've been doin these days ... grea
WOW. what a week it's been. what a summer, actually. its crazy to think that just two months ago i was at school, and now i'm sitting in my new apartment in Colorado Springs. but anyway, back to this week. yeah, it's been a long one, LOL. i've been workin like 60 to 70 hour weeks, and this week wasn't much of an exception. mid-week One Pacific Place started its sidewalk sale, so we've been gettin ready for that and doin that with EB. i worked my last week day of EB yesterday, which just happened to be the first day of sidewalk sale. it was a ton of fun with great food, a DJ, magician, face painting, a clown that made balloon animals, etc. of course i didn't get to take advantage of the awesome face painting, but i might have to on Sunday, LOL. and i also had to surpress the urge to dance during my outside shifts, but hey ... i may cut loose tomorrow and Sunday, LOL. anyway if my sentences sound unusually disjointed and such, i am absolutely exhausted. i don't drink caffine anymore, but i started the caffine binge early yesterday mornin cuz i knew it was going to be a long day. the night before yesterday i stayed up late getting ready for COS and makin cookies for the EB peeps and the UPS dude cuz he's like, one of us. LOL. then i got up early yesterday, went to EB (everyone loved my cookies, btw ... said goodbye to Gwen and Tonya at EB, as well as the UPS dude, and told him i hoped he got his promotion and he said like, good luck "you'll be perfect ... great ... wonderful ..." an odd but nice thing to say LOL) ... totally got an AWESOME tan and had a twin day with Cari (hopfully pictures to come of that). Cari's husband is military so he stopped by to meet me since he's heard so much about me through Cari (they were actually stationed here before in COS) and invited me over for drinks and dinner with him and Cari at their house on Sunday, which is awesome. except everyone keeps forgetting i'm not 21, LOL. ANYWAY ... got off work and found out evening work was canceled, which worked out well and meant NO MORE SEXUAL HARASSMENT CENTRAL!!!!! went home, ate dinner, got things ready for COS, left about 8:30 with dad. it's about an 8.5 hr trek down here, and he actually drove it all, which was nice. we got here, killed some time, secured this apartment here, i took a nap and a long shower and then went and secured my jobs at EB and BB here. not to say i'll stick with those - i still have a week to look around next week - but yeah, it's good to have them as my "security blanket." met up with Bridget (HOORAY!!!!), talked to Terri on the phone, and Vicki called ... totally sweet, just wanted to give me her home number and cell number and email and say if i ever needed anything to totally call and to keep her updated. a TON of ppl have been like that. you don't realize what you have until you leave it, you know? i didn't except any tears leavin Omaha, but i am leavin a lot of great people, but hey, we'll totally keep in touch, and yay for new beginnings! Cheri called earlier this week to say that sort of thing too, which is great. i have a lot more goodbyes to say in Omaha than i have time for, so we'll see how that goes. and oh yeah there was a bomb threat in the mall today while i was talkin with the EB manager and stuff started shutting down ... and that complicated me and Bridget's rendezvous (french, right? :P) but it all worked out!!! haha. a little excitement. anyway we're waiting for traffic to die down and we'll prob. head out of here about 7 pm mountain time. which will put us home about 4 or 5 am cenral ... givin me time to rest until i have to be at work from like 11 to 7. hopefully i get a lot of outside shifts to get tan and keep me occupied. then i have to pack and get ready at home ... sunday i'll try to squeeze in church but not sure (i should) and then work from 12 - 5 and then prob. over to Cari's or out to do somethin with "the crew" ... back to get stuff done and then TO BED cuz i gotta leave by like 5 am ... do the drive myself and get moved in and stuff. but i'm callin bridget to come over when i get down here, which will be TOTALLY awesome. then MY BABE COMES HOME LIKE 4 PM ON TUESDAY!!! Bridget and i are gonna get ready together, which should be awesome. anyway, i'm just SO STOKED about ...
and yeah ok so i lost the rest of the entry, but i was sayin i'm SO STOKED ABOUT BEIN WITH MY BABE!!!!! today is our six month, and yeah it hasn't been without its hard times, but it's been SO WONDERFUL, SUCH A BLESSING AND SUCH A GODSEND. the whole relationship, and JEFFREY! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! just imagine how it's gonna be now that we're in the same city and can physically be together a lot ...
the best birthday present ever: HAVIN MY BABE HOME IN MY ARMS!!!
Happy 6th tomorrow, Jeffrey Jospeh Bapst Junior! I LOVE YOU!!!! THANK YOU for your patience and love and support, and for putting every single star in my sky. I'm always yours!
Wellllllll, kiddies ... ok no kiddies. Who knows. I'm tired, lol. 11:16 pm is late for a girl who works like 60 hour weeks, lol. Anyways, no complaints here! :P
I'm sittin here in my PJs. Got sugar cookies in the oven and laundry in the dryer. The sugar cookies are for the EB workers and the UPS man that comes by EB twice a day, lol. They're kind of a last-day treat sort of thing. It's not my last day, but last week day, and it's getting close. It's my last day of UPS delivery too, lol, so the cookies must be there tomorrow. I must show my appreciation for being allowed to sign for every package every day that I'm there, LOL! I just LOVE signing for packages. It just goes back to that whole love of mail thing, I think. Anyway, a lot of the ppl at BB were snots, so I'm not dropping cookies off there, and I'm DEF. not taking cookies to my evening job, which I frequently refer to as "Sexual Harassment Central." :P!
So here's the deal: tomorrow I have to get up and get things ready to go for my TRIP to COS. Then I go to the bank ... Eddie Bauer to get a few things and change into my outfit for TWIN DAY (more later), go to work at EB, go to my LAST DAY at "Sexual Harassment Central" (Thank GOD!!!!) and then drive home, where I'll put stuff in the car and head off to COS with dad. :-/ We'll get to COS by early Friday morning. I'll get my apartment taken care of, crash for a bit maybe, go to my meetings at the mall, hopefully meet Bridget some time in there, crash, then head off about midnight for Omaha again. I'll go straight to work when I get back around 11 am Saturday and I work until 5 pm. Sunday I'll hopefully make it to church, then work 12 pm to 5 pm, then finish packing and sleep because like, 12:01 am Monday I'm takin off for COS so I can move in and BE THERE when my BABE GETS BACK FROM IRAQ!!!! AND IT COULD BE SOONER THAN EXPECTED - WHO KNOWS?!?! :D!!!!!!
I am just SO EXCITED!!! For one, I see my babe in JUST A FEW DAYS!!!! Everything's goin great on the job front ... got transfers lined up and a few possibilities that would be better if they work out, as well as some publications there I'd like to write for. I found a GREAT apartment - VERY affordable with great lease lengths, utilities included ... and other crazy awesome things included, like twice a month cleaning service, satalite TV with 4 channels of HBO, a phone line with voice mail, FURNITURE, etc!!! It's perfect for now until we see where Jeffrey ends up long-term- somewhere else in the US (then i won't be real permanent somewhere and I can go with him) or in the US in COS *crosses fingers*or over seas - in either case I'll prob. get a bigger place either at that apartment complex or somewhere else in COS. Yeah. lol.
I'm stoked about tomorrow - it's the first day of the sidewalk sale!!! That means awesome food, sales, a DJ, face painting, a magician, balloons, etc! HOORAY! LOL! :P Plus it'll be sweet to stand outside. haha. Work on my tan. Cari and I had planned to be twins tomorrow. She's like 33 (looks about 22, acts about 25 HAHA) but she's the same height, same hair color (her hair is just a little longer) and she's a lil skinner (ok, and a LOT prettier) LOL but we look KINDA alike and anyway, we both get a kick out of driving our manager Jeff up a WALL, so we're buying these HIDEOUS orange/burgandy plaid shorts ... we were both gonna get burgandy tees and put our hair in big tails, but we have to look a LITTLE different so we can get credit for our sales when the customers try to describe us at the register, LOL!!!, so i'm getting the sleevless princess cut burgandy shirt and i'm going to french pigtail braid my hair. :P Anyway, should be a good time for all ...
Though the "PANTS PARTY" at EB was CLASSIC. It was supposed to be the meeting to introduce the new jeans line, but we all sat on display tables and jeff ran it since our owner had an emergency. We got paid for eating and chatting and laughing and modeling new jeans for each other and picking out a FREE PAIR! HoOrAY! Can't beat that!
Well I've gotta clean up my cookie mess and put the cookies onto plates and wash my face and go to bed, lol. Gotta be up early tomorrow. A plate of the cookies is going to be saved for me to take to COS when i leave Monday, SO MY BABE CAN HAVE FRESH SUGAR COOKIES WHEN HE COMES OVER!!!!!!!!! :D!!!!!!!!!! I miss talkin to JEFFREY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO much but i know he's almost home ...
Oh and this is something I wrote like 364 days ago, LOL. I have NO CLUE, SERIOUSLY ...
"In any case, I thought if I got this out of the way, I'd work better. Maybe not. haha. But anyways, one thing I've been thinking about lately is records in history. Watching the US Olympic trials last night, a couple of world-records were broken, to which the announcers would proclaim, "That's the fastest time in history." Alright, in your history. In recent history. In recorded history. All I know is that there were quite a few years where people either couldn't write this stuff down, they wrote it down and we don't understand it, they wrote it down and it got lost, they didn't think to write it down, etc. This morning I read an odd article on CNN about "possibly the oldest dog in history." Whatever. I was going to propose recorded history, but there are many a record of history during times when 1) if you had an old dog, it was simply an old dog. 2) if you had an old dog, the only people who knew about it were in a 2 mile radius. 3) it didn't mean anything to have an old dog. 4) even if you thought it meant something, you likely weren't in the .1% of civilizaiton who had the skills to write it or articulate it, or you probably didn't have the access to materials. And if somehow you managed to draw the message in a soft-clay stone with your own hieroglyphics, the scribblings undoubtedly got washed away by the rain or pooped on by a bird."
That was in my tblog on 7/14/2004 LOL ...
ooooooooooookay ...
"What day is it? And in what month? The clock never seemed so alive ..."
Pax,
Erin Marie ;)
PS - Other exciting things:
*I bought myself a new book at Borders yesterday to read in COS. haha. 'Nuff said. :P
*My mom is making me hashbrowns, bacon, eggs, and patty sausage for my bday, per request, on Saturday. LOL. :P
*I use the ":P" face too much. I blame it on Jeffrey. haha.
*I can't wait to go to the Eddie Bauer OUTLET in Castle Rock, CO!!!! Discount AND employee discount?!?!? WHAT UP?! :D!
yikes. it's 11:30 and i'm wired. that's my fault. i took a nap today because i was so tired, and i just knew i wouldn't stay awake through my EB meeting without some caffine. bad, i know, because it's one of those things i've pretty much sworn off of, so you can imagine what two cans did to me, lol.
found out today i prob. won't hear from jeffrey till he comes home. that's the bad news. good news? that's NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!! in 10 - 11 days, so more than a week, but i can still say it's NEXT WEEK! :D
i just read an article on the COS Gazette about how the city is preparing for 2BCT's home coming. SO exciting, but it stressed me out reading it, lol. i'm stressed for jeffrey, stressed for all the stuff i have to do, stressed cuz i'm sure it'll be crowded and crazy, etc. oh well. that's life. i'm so excited about getting to see him though! and being able to live close, and actually be able to go out!!! LOL! :P it will be WONDERFUL. i'm also exciting about just relocating in general, but yeah. jeffrey would be the #1 excitement. ;)
well i should get some sleep, considering the end of this week and the ensuing week probably won't allow for much ...
what a day! i didn't really have to work today, which is good, because i don't like working sundays. it's not that i don't like working, i just feel that it's the whole "Sabbath rest" thing. but i'm startin to think MAYBE, as long as you go to church, it doesn't matter. i don't know. i should really consult the scriptures more on that. i read part of Josh Harris' book Stop Dating The Church and he actually said he personally thinks the whole Sabbath day thing is completely OT, except for the fact that you should go to church and you know, go in with a right heart, go in expecting, prepare for it the night before, etc. that actually sounds like a good idea. but anyway, that's just one MAN. and who knows?
this morning i went to church with my parents. a guy from my old church i used to hang out with a lot goes there pretty often, and i just wanted to see how he was doin and say hi and bye. he wasn't there this morning. oh well. anyway, after that my parents took me out to lunch to the new Quobodas. i hadn't been there since Cari, Liz and I went there in Minneappolis. the TCs were SUCH a good time! i had such a blast with Liz! what a CRAZY weekend - one i wish i could do over!
i'm REALLY in the mood for a conference. there's one by like, McCook Ministries in Virginia in like Nov. called After Eve for young Christian women that looks stellar. i really wanna go to it - will be interesting, a good vacation, it's in VIRGINIA thank you very much lol, and it might be a good place to network. so i'll prob save for that. anyway ...
after that i came home and did a lil packing, but really i'm sooooooo tired these days from workin like 60 - 70 hour weeks. i even got like 12 hours sleep last night, but i ended up crashing until just before i had to leave for my EB "Pants Party" lol. the owner/manager was supposed to run the thing, but her fiancee got his big toe cut off by the lawn mower!!! yikes!! he'll be fine but yeah she's out for a lot of the week. so jeff (my manager jeff) ran the meeting. which means it was well run, but efficient and totally fun. he's the best manager ever. so yeah, we got paid to eat and try on jeans and laugh and such. good times. the jeans didn't fit as tight as i would have liked them to (i like my jeans like boot cut, kinda faded and a lil clingy LOL), but hey they're like $60 jeans and they're free. anyway, i don't work tomorrow except for SHC (LOL to those who can figure that out :-P) in the evening, so that's awesome! that gives me time to actually get things done. i have quite a bit of packing done, but so much left to do. so anyway, i kinda started getting worried about transfering out to EB, since Renee said Janet was supposed to talk to the COS stores tomorrow and now Renee is out until Thursday, but Jeff and Mary assured me they'll make a place for me since i'm a credit leader and an associate of the month, we come from one of the top districts and one of the top stores in the district. Jeff and Mary said the COS stores will call and the two of them will let me know if they hear anything, but i'm still gonna try BBW and David's Bridal tomorrow and if i don't hear from EB by Wednesday, prob. give them a call myself.
ANYWAY ... well that probably didn't mean much to anyone :P but i could be underestimating! lol! i'm SO excited about COS - i just have to remember it's gonna be by God's grace that it will all work out, but it will.
unfortunately, another day for the history books. i don't know much and i'm not very eloquent, but seriously, to those who oppose OIF, OEF, and the War on Terror in general - would you really like to see more of the likes of 9/11, 3/11, and 7/7?
it's the 4th of July weekend. it's hard to see all this stuff about the troops ... i mean it's WONDERFUL, and the focus on the 4th of July SHOULD be first and foremost on appreciating our troops, since they defend the freedom we have ... any kind of patriotic ANYTHING just makes me miss jeffrey all the more. but i really hope we're all filled with so much gratitude this July 4th, and every day, because that's the way it should be. every time i see someone shooting off firecrackers, i just want to say "Hey, that's great, but it's not about fireworks and hotdogs and picnics ..." but i can be too much of a scrouge and if you can you SHOULD go out and enjoy this wonderful American way of life and all the freedoms you have .... just don't forget it came at a price and continually costs. maybe not you, but someone else.
i'm learning a lot lately - a lot of it stuff that's hard to realize. i used to never understand why some people said that the troop's families also made a HUGE sacrifice. "they're not over there fighting - they're not really doing anything," i'd say. chalk another one up for ignorance. they also make a HUGE sacrifice, and i think there should be a more concerted gestures of appreciation to them also.
i'm more like my mom than i thought i was. i have to fight that. because what i recognize, i don't like.
and i wonder why God brings trials and storms, and in truth it's because He loves me, though i don't know why. in the midst of one, i always say "GOD, I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON, PLEASE ... YOU CAN QUIT NOW ..." and then the storm lets up and the surrender i'd finally succumbed to ... well it's like i rake in all my poker chips and hold them close again. when will i learn, and how much more pain will it take?
there's so much to do in the next twenty-some days. i just have to realize it's in God's hands, pray and work hard.
i've been enjoying work a lot lately. i mean, i'm tired, but i can't complain, because all these hours are allowing me to save up for COS.
God has given me a LOT of contentment and joy lately, which is wonderful. i just hope somehow Jeffrey has found a lot of the same - that would be a MIRACLE considering the circumstances. but God IS a God of miracles ...
1) jeffrey's smile is like the biggest, BEST firework in the finale, ya know. it just kinda explodes on his face and it's so mischevious and funny and just full of fun ... especially when he scrunches his nose or sticks out his tongue. LOL. if you saw it you'd know - you can't HELP but be happy when you see that boy smile. ;)
2) Bath and Body Works carries the Nicole AND OPI lines of nail polish, even though they're not made by Limited Inc.
3) Nicole is made by OPI.
4) OPI's new summer line is sponsored by Ford, and has colors corresponding with their trucks, but is avaliable only in salons.
5) Great things about working at Eddie Bauer: always someone to steam your clothes, and always plenty of people to model for who'll give you an honest opinion before you buy - SOMETIMES on the clock, LOL! Depeonds on how slow it is. :P
6) God is SO FAITHFUL and i just hardly give Him any credit at all. He really does have HIS GLORY and OUR BEST in mind, which amazingly are the same thing. Good times and bad, He does/allows it all out of LOVE.
7) I can't WAIT for COS.
8) There just ain't anyone I'd rather be with other than MY JEFFREY J. I miss that kid! Man! Dude! Everything! lol ...
Diane - heck yes i have! LOL! :-p i went to high school with them ... they ROCK! how do you know of them? :D (ps - we're talkin about Remedy Drive for anyone who is lost :-p)
big props for Casting Pearls - heard them on KLOVE today. it's about time! i tell ya, the NE music scene, Omaha and Lincoln, really is quality. i really do think we're the next Seatle, but anyway, it's nice to see such an awesome, talented, home-grown, Christian band make it - Remedy Drive, YOU'RE NEXT!
i blog when i'm lonely, LOL. tonight i got to go out with some really good friends, so that was awesome. we went to a Christian bookstore, took a spin in their new car and watched most of Spidey 2. and caught up about JEFFREY and life in general! :D it was good. a lot of fun. i needed it.
jeffrey is still gone on his dive trip. last night he was having a blast and today he said he had a good time, so i hope that holds true for the rest of the trip, which isn't that long. i can't wait to hear all the details! and see the pics!
it's been hard ADJUSTING to being back "home" (LOL NOTE QUOTE MARKS :P) in Omaha. mainly because i had the time of my LIFE with jeffrey, and after you have something like that, you just never want that time to end. EVERY DAY with jeffrey is WONDERFUL, even when we're not in person, but it's like for several days we woke each other up and ate together and drove together and goofed off together and snuggled together and kissed each other goodnight and all these wonderful things ... and it's hard after that to go back to waiting for that time to come again. but he'll be back NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! a lot of military wives/gfs/fiancees can't say that about their guys - i am VERY blessed! and i keep reminding myself that God works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him. it seems CRAZY - like how can jeffrey getting delayed in a sand storm be good for him and me and his family? how can me having to go back to Omaha on Friday be good for me and him? but GOD is just that AWESOME and HUGE and POWERFUL and LOVING ... so beyond us! He can use ANYTHING for our good. so as hard as it is to adjust back to not havin my babe by my side every moment LOL, I just have to give it to God and keep lookin ahead and pressin forward ... "keep my eyes on the prize" ...
but boy do i miss jeffrey. i lost it a couple times today, lol. like majorly lost it. i need to pray for strength. i miss him so much, and really i have it good cuz until june 30th i'll be able to talk to jeffrey more than when he is back in Iraq/Kuwait, probably, but yeah ...
anyway God will carry us through for sure ... this will just be another learning and growing time for me ... as hard as it is, just another sign of what a "God thing" this relationship is.
well, i need to do a few things then i should head to bed soon cuz church is at 10 am tomorrow. it was so weird the week or so leading up to jeffrey leading ... he wasn't on much cuz he had to study, so i had no one to buzz me awake all night on Yahoo! LOL! and then he left and of course he couldn't buzz me ... then i went to the Bapst's and he was still gone and he couldn't buzz me ... then he was THERE and we stayed up LATE and there was no NEED for him to buzz me cuz we were RIGHT THERE!!!!! :D! i miss being buzzed in the middle of the night, LOL, but i will take him being HOME and SAFE ANY DAY over being buzzed in the middle of the night, LOL!
ok, this has been a lovely attempted vacation from the akwardness of being back. time for reality again ...
Jeffrey i love you. you're always in my heart.
an attempt to put words to some inexpressable things ...
i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac k ... and i SO wish i wasn't. lol. i don't even know where to begin, except that I LOVE JEFFREY JOSPEH BAPST JUNIOR and i always, ALWAYS will.
it always bothered me when people were like, "oh, so you're going to meet Jeffrey, huh?" because it was NEVER a matter of meeting. we met a long time ago. before we saw each other in person, we knew each other inside and out, better than anyone else ... the lil things, the big things, the interests, the secrets, the mannerisms, just, SO many things. so it was never a matter of meeting. and i want to say it's impossible to get to know each other better, but at the same time we always do seem to get to know each other better. it's one of those paradoxical things - like how i love him SO MUCH and couldn't possibly love him more, yet I love him more and more every day. who said love was logical? it's actually very illogical, if you go by the world's "wisdom". and that is what makes it possibly the closet thing to heaven we'll find on earth.
i always thought when i saw him for the first time, i'd run and jump on him, but i didn't want to steal his moment with his family and i was shaking sooooooooooo much, LOL. NOT from being nervous, but i was just excited and completely overwhelmed, in a fully wonderful way. it was so incredible, because i KNEW it would be ... there would be no akwardnes, no like, period of getting to know each other ... it would just be ... there were are. you know? i KNEW it would be like that, what a duh! i KNEW he'd be wonderful because i know him SO WELL! and yet just to see everything with my own eyes ... it was never EVER necessary, but SUCH a blessing. to see who and what you've believed in for SUCH a long time ... like the reward of having faith, not like i needed a reward LOL and not like he hadn't shown me his LOVE in a ZILLION ways before ... not like i needed proof ... oh i just don't have the words!!!! it's just impossible to put into words, JEFFREY is impossible to put into words, God's GOODNESS is impossible to put into words.
i feel like i'm still the same person i was before we saw each other in person, and my life is still the same, but yet i feel so different and that my life has changed so much. Jeffrey changed my life six months ago when we met FOR THE BEST, and he CHANGED MY LIFE AGAIN THIS WEEK. he's ALWAYS changing it and making it more WONDERFUL than before! i really didn't think life could get this good, at all ... but it has ... praise GOD!!!!!!!!
it was like the whole time i was with him, there was just this HUGE, overwhemling sense of "THIS IS MY OTHER HALF. THIS IS WHO I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WITH. I'M *HOME*" and i KNEW that and FELT that BEFORE ... all the time ... but he is just incredible. i love Jeffrey with my whole heart ... and leaving at the airport hurt so deeply. i don't think anything has ever hurt more in my entire life, but it's not even a QUESTION of being "worth it" or something ... and like Jeffrey said, I'm in his heart and he's in mine, and NEXT MONTH HE COMES HOME AND I'LL BE MOVIN TO COS TO BE WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the waiting is so hard ... when you find the most beautiful thing in your life, the thing that lights up your days and makes your world turn, you don't want to ever let go. but we only let go physically, and though physicality is wonderful, what we have is so much deeper, always has been and always will be.
still, i can't WAIT to be in his arms again. it's just a constant longing. i just have to pray and give it to God, pray that He'd fillt he void and give me His peace and joy, and cause me to praise Him, because i have SO MANY REASONS TO! and pray that He does the same for Jeffrey, and gives Jeffrey WONDERFUL days while we're away and that we can be in each other's arms again soon ...
well i just attempted to put words to some completely inexpressable things. more later.
well i am at the Bapst's house and i'm havin an AWESOME time!!!!! i CAN'T WAIT for JEFFREY to get hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee e!!!!! i should go take a shower and then start to decorate lil things for jeffrey's room or something, LOL ...
well, it's 1:10 am. i leave for the airport in 4 hours and 25 minutes. i need to get up in like 3 hours and 20 minutes. my plane takes off in about 6 hours and 20 minutes. i should be in St. Louis with Jeffrey's parents in about 10 hours!!!!!!!! i need to get some sleep, lol ...
HOPEFULLY JEFFREY WILL GET IN MONDAY, AKA TOMORROW!!!!!! EVERYONE CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR MONDAY, OTAY!??! :D!!!!!!!
near the beginning of our relationship, Jeffrey wrote in his blog that when he talked to me, his "heart felt indescribeable" ... and i COMPLETELY knew what he was talkin about cuz it was COMPLETELY mutual. it's ALWAYS been like that ... no matter how ordinary days can be ... there's just ... something about having Jeffrey that adds sunshine to my life, and a TON of sunshine at that. he IS my sunshine and it's so WONDERFUL to know that i'm with the one God has made for me!!!! what a PERFECT FIT!!!!!!!!!!!! but the day before i see Jeffrey, and as usual i just can't find the right words ... but if mere words will have to suffice, then may i just say ...
that thinking of the fact that we should be in each other's arms TOMORROW ... and we should get to see each other face to face TOMORROW ... and tell each other we love each other face to face TOMORROW ...
i am in an absolutely crazy state, lol. i want to sleep sooooooooo bad cuz it will make the time pass faster, yet there is SOOOOOOOO much to do! a friend called tonight and asked me how i was doing. she said "i bet you can't even eat!" i said, "oh, i've been eating, but i'm just about to pee my pants!!!!!!" we were referring to how EXCITED i am to see Jeffrey, and the word EXCITED TRULY DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT.
it really is the most exciting time i've ever had in my life so far, and i'm sure there will be more exciting times, like when we get married, have kids, etc but this is the best YET. i just ... i feel like i've had like 24 THOUSAND ZILLION BOTTLES OF MOUNTAIN DEW ... yet i haven't had caffine in forever, LOL. what to do!? pack? bake? finish lil surprises? sleep? i dunno!!! lol. i don't have much time though. it's almost midnight SATURDAY ... which means HOLY COW I LEAVE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!! :D!!! i work 9 - 10 am at BB. 10 - 11 am i'm running to the mall to exchange a dress and hopefully find THE perfect one. 11 - 5 i work at EB. then i have to wake up all of 12 hours later to get ready to go to the airport ... so that's all the time i have left to finish planning lil surprises, pack, etc! i'm trying not to make things too complicated, cuz that wouldn't be good anyway. :P that's a tendency though, lol.
and in all this rush i CANNOT forget God, which is why, however late i stay up tonight, i'm going to have some God time after i finish this. i just CANNOT let myself get so busy that i forget Him and having time in His Word. just because ... because He is GOD ... because He has been so merciful to me ... and i shouldn't say especially because, but especially because it would be ... just beyond wrong ... if i got so caught up in the excitement of this wonderful thing HE HAS CREATED that i didn't give time to Him.
really - it's the most beautiful love story ever. i hope everyone's love story is the most beautiful love story ever to them. but if i were the one who had planned it out, when i was most desperate, say, first semester of my freshman year at college ... to think what i would have settled for and done just to have someone. all those lonely nights and mornings i wished i didn't wake up. all those times in high school i cried and begged God to put me back together with someone ... that song "someone of God's greatest gift's are unanswered prayers" ... well God answers EVERY prayer ... but God ALWAYS knows best. this relationship with Jeffrey has just been, and will continue to be, SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO full of REAL LOVE and patience and grace and AMAZING, AMAZING things ... it's like NOTHING i've EVER known before ... and there is no questioning, not even an ounce. this is it. he is the one. i'm so secure - but best yet my security is in Christ. two people, left to themselves without God, cannot love each other and be there for each other the way two married people should be. we both have to rely on Him ... and i just rely on Christ, knowing He is the glue that keeps us together, and that every good and every perfect gift comes from above - that every wonderful thing is just a SMALL, SMALL FRACTION of His goodness and love and mercy ...
my babe is en route right now!!!!!!!!!! i pray it's fast and relaxing for him ... that he gets back SOON ... so we can make the most of our week! ANYTHING with him will just be AMAZING ... watching TV and eating cereal or tearing up the countryside lol ... i don't care as long as i'm with him ...
it will be the most AMAZING thing to be in his arms ... i daydream about it so much, and yet i truly can't even fathom how WONDERFUL it will be ...
i'm wired. i'll admit it. i'm just ... giddy and crazy ... LOL ... i don't know how i'm even going to sleep!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! :D!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok, i should go ... have God time and either sleep and wake up early ... or stay up and sleep in a LIL bit ...
i really am blessed with some very awesome jobs, and some very awesome people to work with. i am so grateful for that, but more than that just the chance to earn money so i can go to COS to be with the ONE i love most ...
at the same time it tears me apart to miss jeffrey while i'm at work. i hate how there are so many times i can't be there for him ... and there are other times i can't be there for him because he's out on a mission or can't get online or to the phones, etc but it just feels like the times i miss him when i'm at work - it feels like those were IN my control, which makes it harder.
so i just gotta trust God and pray for J so much ... know he is in VERY wonderfully capable hands, and anything "good" i'd be able to do for him anyway would be through GOD alone ...
i just pray He uses me in his life. and i wish i could be there all the time.
lessons in faith and trust and patience and love and all sorts of wonderful things ...
