While reading Marvin Olaky's column entitled "Wanting Both: Looking for love in the right places" i n the January 1/8 issue of WORLD, a certain passage really struck me:
"What's more striking is how the desperate search for horizontal love, person to person, is not matched by what should be an even more deperate seach for vertical love, person and God. Here's Walker Percy again: "I am surrounded by two classes of maniacs. The first are the believers, who think they know the reason why we find outselves in this ludicrous predicament yet act for all the world as if they don't. The second are the unbelievers, who don't know the reason and don't care if they don't.
"Confession: I often act for all the world as if I'm clueless. So do most Christians I know - and those who don't act clueless often act as if they know everything, which is even more obnoxious. But here's my continuing New Year's resolution, now 24 years old, taken from the end of The Second Coming, after protagonist Will Barrett has fallen in love and also come to understand a little baout God: "Am I crazy to want both, her and Him? No, not want. Must have. And will have."
Two things strike me about that passage. The first: how much I indentify with the first quoted paragraph. All the time I spent waiting, hoping, longing ... all the false adoration ... all the heartache, the running to Him only to run away a few minutes later ... what if I just stayed? What if I was just still? What if ... God, that my heart would always be first and foremost Yours. How much of a blessing would that be? How much heartache would that spare me? What if I waited on Him and His timing (and His plan, whatever it should include or exclude), hoped in Him, longed for Him like I so often long for someone else ... What if? I want to know what if. I want to call that a New Years Resolution but I'm human. I know I'll fail and crawl back, fail and crawl back, fail and crawl back ... How unworthy we are. How unworthy I am.
Which reminds me of the song "Mercy Reigns" by Shane & Shane: (sorry it's too good not to include)
"she hides her face, it seems too good for Your embrace to find her and say, "my dove, your voice is sweet show me your form ... your form is lovely"
Your mercy reigns Your mercy comes Your mecy falls and rises with the sun Your mercy reigns Your mercy comes Your mecy falls and rises with the sun
its new every morning its new every morning its good enough for me
no ear has heard a melody as sweet as Yours for her it seems too good, so undeserved my heart faints now, for we are her ..."
She, being we, the Church. What strikes me about that song is that, however anachronistic it is, those are the things we all want to hear, but who's saying them? The expected? We set ourselves up. At least I do.
The second thing that strikes me about the quoted passage is, well, the second paragraph. It seems like Olasky is demanding "her" of God ... which seems a little, well, lop sided but I'm sure I do something quite similar and don't see it that way. We all have our "pet sins", unfortunately. Maybe I'm just taking his quote wrong, though.
Well it's almost 2 a.m. I haven't had any sleep since last year, lol. Think I'd better call it a night, lol.
i wasn't sure what was going to be up today, and i was a little afraid that i was going to be a bummer New Years but so far's it's been stupendous. which means great. i think. lol. haha anyway got up, made some calls, got online and found out Jeff had added me to his buddy list. we talked online a lot today and that completely made my day. and then i ate cheese hot dogs. and that was just icing on the cake ...
lol. i am a GOOF.
just got done listenin' to Oklahoma-Texas Line by Rascal Flatts and decided i needed to play it again.
"Everything I love, is there inside
A little brick house with a black top drive
Big oak tree with our names carved on the side
A little brick house on the Oklahoma-Texas Line."
reminds me of that Lonestar song - My Front Porch Lookin' In.
Anyway, back to the Rascal Flatts song, oh that this one line gets me - "she's got a part-time job, at the Tasty Freeze. she took the weekend off, just to spend a little time with me."
ah, the little things.
has anyone caught on to the secret track, Sarah Beth, at the end of Oklahoma-Texas Line on the Feels Like Today CD? it reminds me of my friend Sarah Beth who's mother was just diagnosed with cancer. it's at the latest stage. i don't know if they caught it in time. she's undergoing chemo and she's lost all her hair. i feel so bad for Sarah. i don't know what i would do if that happened to someone in my family. her and her friend Lindsey are going to college with me next year, and i'm excited about that. our moms had talked about making trips up to see us together, and i hope her mom will be around to do that.
"Sarah Beth is scared to death To hear what the doctor will say She hasn't been well Since the day that she fell And the bruises just won't go away So she sits and see waits with her mother and dad Flips through an old magazine Till a the nurse with a smile Stands at the door And says will you please come with me
Sarah Beth is scared to death Cause the doctor just told her the news Between the red cells and white Something's not right But we're gonna take care of you
Six chances in ten it won't come back again With the therapy were gonna try It's just been approved It's the strongest there is I think we caught it in time
Sarah Beth closes her eyes She dreams she's dancing Around and around without any cares And her very first love is holding her close And the soft wind in blowing her hair
Sarah Beth is scared to death As she sits holding her mom Says it would be a mistake For someone to take A girl with no hair to the prom
Oh, just this morning right there on her pillow Was the cruelest of any surprise And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands The proof that she couldn't deny
Sarah Beth closes her eyes She dreams she's dancing Around and around without any cares And her very first love was holding her close And the soft wind is blowing her hair
Its quarter to seven That boys at the door And her daddy ushers him in And when he takes off his cap They all start to cry Cause this mornin where his hair had been Softly she touches just skin
And they go dancin Around and around without any cares And her very first true love was holding her close And for a moment she isn't scared"
~Skin, Rascal Flatts
that song gets to me.
but dinner's ready so i'm going to eat. more later for sure.
so i feel inclined to write a year's review becuase if i don't write down what happened this year, and i forget ... well, let's just say life's meant to be written down. if you're planning on reading this, or at least skimming it - you're an angel. you also have a rare attention span and dedication. congrats. if you're not - i don't blame you. ;)
January: The year started off pretty miserable. Dan, my surrogate big bro, was called up to basic training early (intel because he's intelligent! hehe). I got to say goodbye before he left, but the Korean Sunday school class didn't. He gave me the giftcard he'd gotten from the Korean church for Christmas and told me to go shopping for the kids. Between our two we had enough for a lot of toys for the kids for after-service and enough materials for little care packages I made for the kids with the letter he left for the church and the photo of us taken just two weekends before. Shortly after, the Korean church disolved. I miss those kids greatly. I miss Dan too, but at least we still get to chat. I have no idea what's up with the kids, but I cherish that picture of us, the memories, the photos and the numerous cards and letters the kids would write me before we taught them as best as we could.
Darcy, Amanda and I rang in the new years with loud screams of "WE'RE GOING TO COLLEGE!", an apple cider toast, tons of secrets and Pirates of the Caribbean.
February: Um? Can't remember anything, lol.
March: Found out I was a finalist, by the grace of God, for the Al Neuharth Excellence in Journalism Scholarship at the University of South Dakota at Vermillion. The Freedom Forum paid for my dad and I to drive down and interview for the scholarship. The next night at our newspaper's late night my mom came rushing in - my phone had died but she brought another cell phone. She said the director wanted to call me. Amazingly enough, I got the scholarship - a virtual full ride. I was EXTATIC and SO THANKFUL. I called dad, Dan, Mand, Rhonda ... everyone I could think. The whole staff was there when I got that call. Jack told me to sit down, I did and when he told me I just about passed out. I was seriously crying and my mom was watching in amazement. And my J teacher was there to give me a big hug! Yay happy high school memories.
April: Hmmm ... lol.
May: May was a busy month. I got my drivers liscense (shhh! lol). I graduated from high school, and let me tell you, after all I'd been through it was just the most amazing, amazing thing. How many people had told me I never would and there I was, walking across that stage. It was so completely incredible. Mom, dad, Morgan, my grandma who can barely even walk, Nick, Mand ... everyone was there. Plus all my high school friends. The girls at the salon dyed my hair for free, I got big dangly red star earrings to match my red gown, and I threw my cap!! Ok I'm getting a little excited just thinking about it, lol. I secured myself an internship two Omaha publication companies (workinng on a total of about 6 magazines) and a job working as a receptionist at a salon during the evenings and weekends. My parents threw me the best graduation party at my old church and I was so overwhelmed after the whole thing was done ... I had well over 100 friends and family members show up and shower me with a ton of love and gifts. Plus my parents let me decorate the room in my own quirky, Latin/Nancy Drew/Spiderman way. The guestbook everyone signed and left messages in is one of my most prized possesions.
Summer 2004: I worked well over 40 hours each week, but how can you beat taking photographs of Omaha and interviewing celebs like 311, MTV VJ'S, etc? Working at the salon was a dream. What other place can you go to work with a bad hair day only to be fixed up right before my shift? I enjoyed Brandy's cake craving runs. Working with a ton of pregnant people is awesome because you can benefit from their craving-food-runs, lol. Us salon girls had plenty of girly parties. I turned 18, covered 311's homecoming concert and the Omaha 150! Celebration that weekend. WOW. The 311 concert was crazy because, being in the press pit, I got hit with naked people and underware and bloody shirts and pocket knifes and beer bottles - you name it. Eventually the press was kicked out because the gate was about to cave in. The Omaha 150! concert was incredible - especially with other media professions BEHIND the Omaha Symphony looking back at everyone else. I could hear when they radio'ed over to Iowa to set the fireworks off, and I had the most uninhibited, glorious view of Omaha's biggest fireworks show EVER. Plus downtown Omaha is a dream. USD paid to fly a bunch of us to a journalism conference in DC, which was awesome. I truly learned my city this summer. Before I left for college there were a lot of terribly tough goodbyes. The girls from the salon through me a going away bash at a cosmic bowling alley. They brought all their husbands (which was hilarious), bought me diet cherry cokes and we danced (to everything from Big & Rich to Clay Aiken) and partied while making fools of ourselves. It was the best party ever, hands down. The night before I left for college was Dan's wedding - PERFECT timing. It was SO good to see him again and so hard to say goodbye another time. The next morning it seemed like everyone was leaving for college, including me. Dan and Shells were leaving for Cali and I knew a ton of other people who were moving to new houses and stuff too, which was weird.
September: I started college and was miserable. My roomie hated me, I was homesick and the works. I tried to do anything to feel like I was back at home, but nothing worked. I eventually adjusted though and got used to it. At the Al Neuharth Award Ceremony I met Al himself, along with Don Hewitt and a bunch of other cool media and political "stars." We had a midnight steak dinner, a pre-dinner cocktail party at USD's prez's house and all kinds of fun schmoozing stuff.
Up Until Now: I got throught the semester with a 3.409 overall, praise God. I'm hoping for a better semester next year ... hopefully some good Christian friends, a new roomie, etc. Oh, and in November I was offered a two year internship deal with the Omaha World-Hearld ... this summer at the Ames Trib in Ames, IA (they own it) and 2006 back in Omaha. I accepted, and am pretty excited about it.
Wow. So yeah, 2004 took me all over the place. I thank God for one more year. Some amazing stuff happened, and I'm sure I forgot a lot of it too.
Resolutions for 2005? Grow closer to my God ... and under that ... start exercising more and loose a lil weight lol ... study more ... get my diabetes under control (big one) ... smile more ...
more later because tonight ... i'm simply loquacious.
what's new? ;)
erin
Erin's Obligatory List of Important Events of 2004
let me know if i left something important out!
President Ronald Reagan, American great, dies
Bush wins re-election
Iraq holds democratic elections
Saddam's behind bars
Madrid's 3/11 bombings
PLO Chief Yasser Arafat dies
Four large hurricanes hit the U.S.
9/11 Comission issues its report
Tom Brokaw (USD grad) retires
Rathergate
Martha goes to jail
Scott Peterson sentenced to death
Chris Reeve dies
Democracy prevails in the Ukraine
The Passion of the Christ dominates the box offices
1) it's GORGEOUS out today. i think it might hit 70. if only the grass and trees were green i'd almost think it was summer again. but it's def. like spring. i hear it's going to go down-hill from here, though.
2) jolly ranchers are making BLUE RASPBERRY now?! what's up with that? "very choice." ;)
3) i have a TON of junk in my room. it feels good to clean.
4) radio disney rocks. (shhhhhhh.)
5) if anyone thinks of anything to do for new years, give me a ring. you know the number. if not, IM me at Journalist4JC on aim or spidermangirly @ hotmail.com on MSN.
hm. i think this is somewhat of a "royal" color scheme. i had 86 tbucks, just got done watching Princess Diaries 2, and felt like it was time for a change, lol.
not sure why i'm writing. no mail came today, really. tomorrow i have to be up fairly early because i have to pick my sister up in FBC's parking lot from church camp. i'll probably spend my gordman's giftcard, go to the bank, and maybe to the library. one of my goals was to read a classic over break, and though i only have a week and a half left, i've been a bum and i need to make the most of the rest of it. maybe "Praise of Folly" or "Paradise Lost." We'll see. Hopefully exercise a bit, clean my room and get a to do list going.
yeah, we'll see. lol.
tonight my mom brought in personal pan pizzas and we watched the movie. that's about all. alright, everyone sleep well.
just sitting here, slightly over 24 hours later, waiting for the mail again. i really don't know what's up with me and the mail, but i've always loved it. it comes almost every day, and you can always hope that you'll get a letter from a long lost friend, or something special. just sitting here, thinking, though i have NO clue who would send me a letter or what reason they would have, but i guess that is half of the surprise! and how rarely it happens makes it half the fun, i suppose.
i've been thinking a lot lately about how arrogant so many of us who are living are ... we think we're indestructable. immortal. 25,000 + died in that hurriance/tsunami in asia and we report on it; we skim the articles; "oh, that's a pitty," we muse but we don't realize a zillionth of a second later, that could very well be us. we think we have forever, and moreover we think we're entitled to forever. we think we've earned it and then someday, sooner or later, boom. we're not on earth anymore.
i'm sitting here, waiting for the mailman to come. i hope he comes soon, and brings a few belated Christmas cards. i'm reaching out, grasping for Christmas because it came and went so fast this year i hardly got to enjoy it. and that really stinks.
my mom said she'd take me out to a movie tonight, but there's nothing i really would like to see aside from Spanglish, but she's waiting to see that with my dad when he gets back from Kansas City. The Merchant of Venice is out in select cities ... like, one city. And a new one every week. Luckily it will eventually make it to Lincoln in March. That's the closest it will come, but I'll make a special trip. I'm a big fan of those types of movies, and it has Joseph Fiennes. I'm a big fan of his also. He was brilliant in Luther. Too bad he's 34. Why do I like guys in their 30's? Yikes. By the time I catch up to them, they'll all be 40! Yuck!
Haha, more later ...
but you were wrong ... love was all i wanted all along ...
this morning i woke up pretty bummed out that Christmas was already over and i didn't really get to enjoy the season. high school may make you go to school longer, but it sure isn't as much of a Christmas-kill-joy, let me tell ya. but anyway, around 11 am we found out that Joe was coming over for dinner tonight, so to me it was kind-of like an extended Christmas. or a Christmas present. it was great to see him. i wish he went to college with me, or someone like him. the world could use more people like him, that's for sure. and *I* could use a friend who wasn't intent on shoving coke and rum down my throat. hm. maybe this coming semester ...
so anyway, i spent the day cleaning, getting ready, cooking, etc. we had sugar cookies, cheese cake, steak, french fries and salad. oh, and rootbeer. :) we ate while listening to Rascal Flatts, and talked and then watched Spidey 2, which, like any good movie, is better the second time around.
tomorrow is a doctor's appointment i am COMPLETELY not looking forward to, but after i get through it the rest of the break should, hopefully, be smooth sailing. i don't know why i think that, or anything, should be that easy, however.
merry Christmas, everyone. last night was spent watching Luther and muching on cheese hot dogs, buffalo wings and icecream with my sister and her boyfriend. then my mom and i colored in my Spiderman coloring book that my sister got me (haha) and we watched King of Queens or whatev. that sitcom is. i was really looking forward to the Pope's midnight mass, and last year i barely made it through it all, but this year i was ready for bed after the recitation of the Christmas story in Luke in Latin. there probably wouldn't have been much Latin after that anyway, however, since they like to bring it a lot of other languages. it would have been cool to hear the Italian the pope spoke in his yearly address, but who can really understand what the pope said? i barely made out that he was actually saying words, no less italian words. went to bed and was drug out of bed at about 11 am this morning. we had quiche and opened presents. got dressed, grandma came over for lunch, then the cousins came over for several hours and we had a good talk. then we went to a friend's house and i played with the girls i babysit for, which was a lot of fun. got home, watched the 48 Hours documentary on the Kennedy family, and now my parents are in bed. i'll probably hit the sack here in a little bit here soon also. right now the moon outside looks pretty much like the first picture on this webpage: http://home.hiwaay.net/" title="http://home.hiwaay.net/" target="_blank"http://home.hiwaay.net/~krcool/Astro/moon/moonri ng/. Pretty sweet. Some kind of light phenomenon.
so today i think i need to make cookies. and go to polly's and dig for change in the bottom of my purse in attempts to finish and wrap a few last Christmas presents.
it's almost midnight, which means tomorrow is "Christmas Eve Day". it's been a different Christmas season - stripped of the usual anticipation, festivities, shopping and all that jazz. i must say it's interesting being broke around the Christmas season. it makes me want to say "Merry Christmas Nebraska, Iowa and South Dakota. Enjoy the hundreds of dollars you've taken from me and my car." But honestly it's making me thankful and creative, as well as giving me a new perspective. so it's been interesting, let's say. and probably good in the long run. just a little hard and a little funny now. but i'm so blessed. we all are.
that's all for now. to those of you i see often, as well as those of you i don't, merry CHRISTmas.
Has anyone ever noticed that the green, Sponge Bob Square Pants cup at Burger King with Patrick in his boxer briefs on it? You can't see much of his undies, but they totally have dancing tater tots or something on them. HAPPY UNDERWARE!
I'm listening to Remember When It Rained by Josh Groban off his Closer album. Great song.
i have a friend. this friend reminds me of everything white, as silly as it sounds, because this friend seems so perfect in the most humble, unassuming way. this friend reminds me of brand new, white socks. but no one is perfect, haha.
God is SO good. Why don't I realize it? Do I truly know?
I'm enjoying being home from college. Having a car to drive. Having "spare time." Spending the days with friends who are as close as family.
Been thinking a lot lately about freedom. Freedom of speech. To say what I must. To worship my God. Of action. Of ambition. Freedom is wonderful. And it's not free.
I wish I could do something for the troops overseas. Gosh, we're all so indebted and we don't even know it. I wrote 25 Christmas cards that are going to be sent to Iraq, but that is so little. I feel so bad for the ones who are going to be there over Christmas. I truly pray that God reveals Himself to those who don't know Him, and reveals Himself in new ways to those who do. I pray He gives them a little bit of Christmas in their hearts, and a heavy dose of the true joy only He can give.
almost all my grades are in, and i must say i'm stunned. just a few weeks ago i was sweatin' it BAD but God was SO good and everything, i believe, turned out great. i'm still waitin' for two grades to come in, but i would be suprised if i didn't get As. you never know though. anyhow, if all goes well i'm lookin' at right around a 3.5, which is great by me. thanks God. ;) i SO don't deserve it. that's for sure.
upon receiving an email from a certain someone today, i decided that i should go to the final tomorrow lookin' like a knockout. mission possible. i think. haha. it would be good, on the final meeting, to show that i'm capable of applying a little makeup and wearting something different than hoodies and jeans.
tonight consisted of a dinner of bacon cheeseburger pizza, a large diet dr. pepper and salt and vinegar chips. then i studied/packed/cleaned, then went for free food at 10 pm. haha. had a small diet dr. pepper, two small pieces of cheese pizza and a cinnamon roll. studied my AP book. then came back, chatted a little, wrote a few emails, etc. i think i'm about ready to wrap it up for the night ... get dressed for bed, write a few christmas cards, etc. i need to be up at a good time tomorrow. i only have one final, but i have two finals the next day and with them being so early/needing to be alert for the drive home TOMORROW!!, i need to be in bed at a good time tomorrow. aka ... tonight is the last night of staying up late here/can't sleep in forever tomorrow because i have to study during the day so i'm not up late and i'll well prepared.
ok.
well guess that's allllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllll ...
next semester i want to be more smiley and outgoing, lol.
this break i need to do some serious soul-searching.
and i really hope to get together with friends i haven't seen in a long time. really really.
B! a B in astronomy! B! soooo much math. soooo much science. that's unheard of.
what a God thing. ;)
so that made today incredible. what else made today incredible? seeing my favorite football player in the cafeteria. having my remaining meal plans turned into "flex bux" spendable for REAL FOOD at the campus' best cafeteria with a pizzeria and takeout. and finding out there is a free midnight dinner tonight with yummy BREAKFAST FOOD.
niiiiiiiiiiiiice.
what didn't make today incredible: returning to my room for the second time in 12 hours to find another mean, vulgar, stupid, senseless note from my roomie. and finding that the room smells like weird drugs and stale crap. what's new? i just wonder where she gets all these lovely smells to bring in. it's hard to imagine one person smelling SO BAD in so many ways.
well, i think it's dinner time. then study time. then midnight snack time. then sleep time. BN final tomorrow at 3 p.m. two finals Thursday at 7:30 and 9 :30 a.m., and i need to load up my car and go home then.
i might get to go home, which is awesome, but life isn't getting any easier any time soon.
breaking news ... lets go to our field correspondent outside the courtroom in San Matero county ... Geragos has left chambers ... he's walking ... he's walking ... he's walking ... he's entering the bathroom ... oh ... back to you.
announcement: Lord willing, i'm changing my course of study from B.A. Honors Media and Contemp. Journalism with Spanish, Politcal Science and Religious Studies minors to the same major with History, Classical Studies and Religious Studies minors. it may not be typical, but who said typical was best? i need to study what i love.
within a year, i will have started my own online magazine. details pending until everything is solid.
and soon after i graduate, i want to be AP's Vatican City reporter. Journalism + Italian + Latin = bliss.
My blog hits have just ... staginated ... since I wrote one of the most professional, careful, thoughtful, organized, IMPORTANT posts I've ever written.
Huh.
Let's start with things I want/need to do over break:
+ loose weight (at least 10 pounds would be great ... YIKES! can i do it?!)
+ write in to publications
+ work on my *top secret* idea (more later??)
+ read my journalism books
+ read a classic ... like Milton's Paradise Lost or something ...
+ get MUCH better control of my diabetes
Alright that's a lot to do, but I feel like I had a longer list. Oh well.
Anyway, my roomie was back today for probably about 45 minutes. That is the longest she has been back in shy of two weeks. She was so selfish, loud and rude. It made me so angry. Inside I want to do everything possible to make her mad ... not mean things per se, but I keep telling her she isn't allowed to use my stuff because she's abused and stolen it so many times and she keeps doing it behind my back and sometimes right in front of me and it makes me SO ANGRY. Gosh. Gosh gosh gosh. I just need a new roommate next semester. I've found the perfect match, and I really hope it works out. I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't.
Listening to John Mayer ...
I've been thinking about friends a lot lately. Listening to people talk about friends they have, friends they lost. And then I compare this to my relationships. I've had so many good, good friends but time and circumstance comes between us all. Friends forever? Of course. But there comes a time when you're left to postcards and a few calls, a few visits and the wonderful memories and valuable lessons. Really what more could you ask for? Sometimes you just wish those people were back. A lot of the time. And then there are the friends who are there as long as you stay close and live up to expectations. Some might say these aren't friends at all, but I think they can be. Then something happens, something changes in your life and the other just can't get over it ... and you find yourself writing, for the first year, a Christmas card of explanation. It's an interesting feeling. Guess that is when you count your losses and move on. And then there are the friends I have here, which aren't many. Yes, this semester I did a lot of things I regret. Not terrible things, but I learned a lot. How I need to study, the fact that I need to study more, I need to get out more, just stuff like that. And I take all that into consideration. But I wish I had friends who encouraged me, helped me grow. To laugh with, cry with, pray with, run through the leaves with, build snow men with, be a kid again with ... that sort of thing. I've so tried to be that to certain people, but it's not what they want. I have so many good friends back home ... if you're reading this and you know me, wherever you currently live, thanks for taking the time to read this. I love you and I appreciate your friendship. I just hope next semester I can make a friend or two here. The real kind of friends.
Well, tonight = studying and maybe a few random Christmas cards. Maybe. I'm out of stamps so I'll have to write 'till I'm home anyway to mail them. So maybe not.
13 days till "Christmas Eve Day" ... my first on my own. It's not so much that I'll miss goin to church with my family, but I'll miss the people I had there. But it turned that many, many were the kind who were there until a certain extent and then when things changed, when there was a difference in appearance ... they may as well have caught you with blood on your hands or something for thinking differently. I told my parents they need to stop making excuses and if anyone asks where I am, tell them I don't attend that church anymore. It just hurts missing people and then realizing they don't want to be friends anymore.
Those are the Christmas cards that may or may not get out. Those are the Christmas cards that make me feel like they need disclaimers or letters of explanation.
Those are the Christmas cards that may or may not get out.
Award-winning TV journalist Jim Taricani was sentenced to 6 months home confinement today after refusing to surrender the name of a source who provided him with a video tape of a Providence, R.I. city official taking a bribe, according to MSNBC.
Not only would the violation of this agreement be unethical, but it could tarnish Taricani's reputation as a journalist, and the public's trust in him.
This is a sad day for this country, the First Amendment and for journalism. A free country does not punish journalists. If journalists are punished for covering crime, they will not be able to cover crime at all. This is detrimental to a free society. What kind of country are we living in?
Journalists currently have no protection in Federal Courts.
A Web site, http://www.plunderdome.com" title="http://www.plunderdome.com" target="_blank"http://www.plunderdome.com, was established in Taricani's support. Taricani was not jailed, but all is not well with this country or the law. Visit the Web site for a list of actions you can take, including writing to your congressmen and women, and writing a letter to the editor of your local newspaper. Push for proper shield laws in all states, or better yet, a federal shield law.
Please forward this to EVERYONE in your address book. Take action. It is THAT important.
i smell like Jewish potato pancakes, LOL. cr-a-zy. so i was up until about 2 in the morning, working on basic newswriting and my speech. i planned to get up around 8 am to study, but didn't wake up till 11 am. NOT COOL! so yeah, i had to finish writing my speech and get everything together, go to class, give my speech and take my astronomy lab exit exam. class was useless as usual. my teacher had an emergency and couldn't be there for speeches, but we all taped ourselves on one tap anyhow and left our outlines, etc. hopefully that will work. it should because there is just not enough time left in the semester, and she is well aware of that. it was nice only giving it infront of give very friendly students, and not having the teacher watch. but she looks down a lot anyway, and now it's like, is she going to be rewinding and docking for every little thing? i don't think she has time to though, LOL. so anyway, it went fairly well. there were a few things i would have liked to improve on, but considering, i don't think it was terrible. i always get worried about talking too fast, running out of breath, etc, LOL, but i prayed about it beforehand and totally forgot about being nervous, breathing, etc. THANK GOD! silly me i work myself up so much. hehe. but that was pleasent. exit lab, however, i just don't know what to think of that. i don't think i did too well. maybe, HOPEFULLY after he sees these grades he'll decide he should curve it. i REALLY hope so, because he admitted he made the test way too long this year. i just don't know what to think about it. i hope i didn't fail but i'm not sure. not sure at all. ooooooh please curve PLEASE. argh. it's out of my hands.
well, tomorrow morning is my photojournalism final. in a minute i have to get some photos ready and emailed off, study for the final and get ready to write my reaction papers. they need to be in tomorrow, and i'll probably do most of them in my hour and a half before class, but there are two chapters i really should read before i take them. classes, with exception of the break, from 8 - 3 basically, a chapter 3 astronomy review at 6, possibly dinner with someone and possibly stop by the newspaper party. more like probably. but not for very long, because i have the MCOM test the next day at 2 and a astro test i need to take before then the next day. i'll also need to finish my photos up, and that may entail going to a basketball game or a diving meet. we'll see. probably. i'll probably see if i can find some ppl playing frisbee golf on friday, but i doubt it.
ANYWAYS, did i mention WHY i smell like jewish potato pancakes? LOL. i went to a hanukkah seminar thing tonight for a speech report. it made me SUPER thankful to have a holiday where we celebrate eternity and a loving, perfect God and the gift of eternal life. but yeah they made those potato pancakes and i totally smell like them after being in the building, lol.
well, that's about it. must go. peace out everyone! please keep me and my cr-a-zy academics in your prayers. i'll return the favor - just hit me up with a note.
Last night I bought a cute "gold" heart pin with red Spiderman webbing to support childrens charities. It came pinned to a card with Spiderman's hand that said "SACRIFICE". Yay for good movie morals!
heeellllooooo everyone. i'm a little out of it. just goin' a lil crazy from all the stress, and all there is to get done.
didn't make it to either of my two classes today. felt too crappy. it's funny though, because it turns out that in the first one the instructor wasn't there and there was a guy who wanted evals on the instructor and everyone said how crappy he was, and the second one was just teacher evals. so basically i missed nothing. which is good but a lil ironic. hey, i'm not complaining. anyway, got myself together, cleaned a lil bit, wrote a few letters, ate dinner and took pictures tonight. i hopefully successfully reshoot both sports, both env portraits, the mug, motion and fill flash. i think they look alright. we'll see what the teacher thinks.
tomorrow i have to be up early to get my newspaper ducks in a row, write a reaction paper and finish my speech outline. then i have to eat breakfast in the cafeteria, do some early pj work, go to 8 am class, make calls, finish class speech evals tomorrow, finish astro homework, go to astro ... study and then newspaper night tomorrow night. wednesday is my exit lab and speech. oh yeah, MCOM 151 too. haha. thursday is my PJ final. by friday my last speech paper is due, and same with the photos. if i have to, i'll go to this earth science presentation on friday for the speech paper. i'll probably go to the Haunakkah (sp?) presentation Wednesday for speech. and it could be interesting also.
but anyways ... i have some silly things i could say, but i need to hit the sack and get up early. got in touch with an old friend today ... possibly startin' a column ... could be good stuff. i'm sure it will be. :)
i'm out for the night! i miss everyone -- take care!!
Sometimes I think my counter is fooling me. These past few days I've had hits in the upper teens and low twenties - sup with that?! LOL I guess that's good for me. I wonder what brings all these people, though. The counter gives pretty good info - it's kind of funny because it seems like a lot of people google, yahoo or MSN search something to do with country music and it leads them to my blog. LOL. People probably expect a lot more from a blog entitled "The Journalist" but sorry - no commentary (unethical for my line of specialization - haha) and no breaking news here in Verm town.
Anyways, I'm watching a History Channel special on the "Bible code." It's interesting. Whereas before I would have said "no way" now I will contend that, well, anything is possible and I won't shut out the idea without prayer and study, ya know, but the truth still remains that one can make the Bible, as well as any piece of literature, say anything, coded or not. I'd like to see what kind of "predictions" can be made using the same methods on Shakespear or something, even though these researchers say that the odds of all these events and dates appear in such sequences are beyond probability. I remember reading books by the families of Rachel and Cassie after the Columbine massacre, and one, if not both families belived in the Bible code. I can't remember if it was both or not. I always thought it sad. But anyways, now this history channel special is saying: If the code is valid, did it come from God? OR ALIENS! You are absolutely KIDDING me. That's pathetic. Beyond pathetic. Alright, the special is over and I seriously doubt it now. I'm sure my pseudo-progression of "thought" was fascinating.
I've done some thinking today about how I'm a legal adult. Nice, huh? Well, not in Nebraska, but in many states. Anyhow, I'll admit it ... I filled out the EHarmony free personality profile today for kicks, and was disapointed to find out you had to be 21 to get your results (whatev!) but yeah, I couldn't help but almost wishing I had someone, even though I wasn't going to sign up. I'd love to sign up for one of those things, but it seems like "people shopping" and like when one signs up for an online dating service, one isn't fully trusting God. But people have met their true loves on there ... so I can't knock it. I'm beginning to realize God works in and through an infinite number of means, and I limit Him. Anyhow, I was answering all these rating questions, such as "sexuality is how important to me..." and "sexual performance is important" T/F etc and I'm like "HOW IN THE WORLD SHOULD I KNOW?!" and i saw a pregnancy test in our bathroom today. anyway, my first reaction to all this was "dirty", and granted no one on our floor is married so they shouldn't have to be worrying about pregnancy tests, but the fact is I'm of the age where, if married, all of that stuff could be a reality for me. Duh, huh? Anyways, weird though. Not very meaningful, I suppose, but startling nonetheless. My mom wasn't much older than I am when she was married. Same with MA's mom. Girls on my floor are engaged.
Haha, the special just said Moby Dick predicted Princess Di's death.
Anyways, I used to think that, and was raised by a certain group, let's say, to think that, until you fully knew who you were and were completely right with God, etc, you weren't ready for a mate. But recently I've realized, really, when are we ever fully right with God? When are we ever without self doubts and issues? We're humans! I've been reading from the C.S. Lewis book the Phillippis gave me quite a bit, taking in the excerpts from Lewis' An Observance of Grief. Marriage isn't an end-all, be-all. In truth, marriage isn't for everyone. It progresses the population, but more than that it's true meaning is to mimic the relationship between Christ and the church, and bring two people closer to God. Can God accomplish this in an individual's life without marriage if He so chooses? Yes. And marriage isn't forever. Marriage causes two people to become one FLESH, flesh being temporary. Knowing this, I should just live accountable to God and not worry about someone coming along, or preparing myself for a mate. It may, or may not happen but if it is supposed to, God will take care of it and I should be preparing myself for Him, and not for someone.
Nice thought.
Not my own.
Nothing is.
"There is nothing new under the sun ..."
lol.
It's true.
Anyway, I feel like making a list of things that stand between me and Omaha, just because. Besides days, you know. Ten and a half days, btw.
1)Studying for MCOM151
2)Studying for lab final
3)Writing/practicing speech
4)Photos
5)Studying for PhotoJ final
6)Photographs
7)Fact-checking story tomorrow
8)Taking astronomy test this week
9)Studying for astronomy final
10)Astronomy homework
11)Studying for Speech final
12)Speech crits
13)Two speech crit papers
14)Studying for A&S final
15)BN Story
16)Studying for BN final
17)Press release
I think maybe that's it. Over break I have some enrichment books I want to read, hopefully including some cool stuff I'll get for Christmas and some Pulitzer reading. I bought some writing/grammar/design/ph otography books awhile back. I want to work on my website/online magazine idea. And finshing OP before the end of the year. HAHA I'm a looser.
And the last thing that stands between Christmas break and I: the bridge.
Yes, the bridge that seperates "cosmopolitan" Verm from rural Verm and yes, I-29 BABY!
Ok, Moby Dick also predicted a bunch of other deaths.
"Moby Dick must be written by God then!" LOL. Oh, people people PLEASE ...
Some rabbi just said it wasn't a stat, it was a parlor trick. Nice.
Oh, who knows.
Well, time for Big in '04 for as long as I can stand it.
well, no assistant editorship for me this spring semester. i pretty much agree with the positions, but it's not my place to disagree or agree with them anyways. they should have shaken things up a bit though, i think. i would have thrown a little new blood in the mix this next semester but anyway ... i guess i'm a little more disappointed then i thought i'd be, but whatever.
alright, so i got an email about an hour ago saying that positions won't be emailed out until tomorrow afternoon because of an interview delay. i didn't get a whole lot done today, but i think i got more done today than i ever have on a saturday where i haven't been on assignment. anyway, if you were me you would get it. LOL. guess that is about it.
still in purgatory. ;)
P.S. - Yes, I am a dork. If you read this drop me a comment and say hi! My counter is almost 300 (gasps!) and I'm curious as to who reads this silly little thing. If you have a blog too, leave a comment with the URL and I'll link you on the left side! :)
UPDATE 9:25 p.m.
what's this, VH1?! 311's cover of Love Song is the 13th worst song of 2004? there is NOTHING BETTER than "reggae by way of Nebraska" thank you very much.
###
i am truly stir crazy!! this must be purgatory. you know you've gone insane when you can't wait for break, but actually the remainder of the semester could go on forever for all you care because you have so much to do you can't imagine getting it all done in the time you have left. YIKES! us v people are waiting for the spring 2005 senior editorial positions list to be mailed out too. it was supposed to be mailed out by this afternoon at the latest. it's 6:44 p.m. i'm beginning to think it won't come tonight. geeze. i don't even know why i'm that worked up about it. i probably won't even get anything, and the positions i DID apply for were just assistant editorships. i think i'm just desperate for something to look forward to.
*rips hair out*
i was up till like 4 a.m. trying to finally get tired ... and wearing my mind out with worries and questions. i was up before noon today, which is positive. i'm trying to work on my latin speech.
last night i talked to joe, which was super exciting. we're totally gonna get together a couple times when i'm back, so i'm looking forward to that. i've talked to jer online a few times too in the past few days, which has been nice. hopefully jeff and i are going to get together over break too ... which is super exciting also. we've emailed once or twice since the beginning of may, but that's about it! so i really haven't seen him or talked to him in 7 months! cr-a-zy!
that's about it i guess. yesterday i interviewed for the assistant editorships, but i think i mentioned that. same old same old. can't wait to get out of here, but at the same time i just have SO much to do and i don't want to do it.
God is so good.
i currently have a C in astro. let me tell you, that is a miracle!
more later i'm sure,
erin
God bless the broken road, that lead me straight to you
"I set out on a narrow way many years ago Hoping I would find true love along the broken road But I got lost a time or two Wiped my brow and kept pushing through I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you Every long lost dream lead me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you But you just smile and take my hand You've been there you understand It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you"
neck massage, Taco Johns and childhood sweethearts
hmmm ... hm. yes tonight is a hm night. lots to do. i should really do it. i will. i think. haha. i could use a neck massage. majorly. oh well. that's life.
today i slept in until 1 because i felt crappy and didn't have classes. then i got up, finished an article, interviewed for an assistant editorship at the Volante, ate Taco Johns (as always, a BIG mistake) and came back ... hmmmm what have i done since i came back? LOL. i talked to mom and caitie and lauren on the phone. caitie and lauren ... those girls crack me up!! they're two girls from my old church that i babysit. lauren is 7 and she's always telling me about her crushes and her "biker chick" teacher in her cute little voice. she's so innocent but she's got a bit of sass in her. she's head over heels for this kid her age and she's telling me how she's going to go the same college as him. i tried to talk her out of it, but ended up just laughing, realizing that she's 7 and she probably won't know him when she's 18 anyhow. c'mon erin, let her have fun while she can, right? i remember when i was 7. my world = brad. haha. i wonder how brad is doing. i really would like to see him again. i haven't seen him in 5 years now, i think. it's interesting having fond memories and 1 major crush that engulfed 7 years of my childhood. basically good memories though. sweet childhood puppy love. i'd like to see how he is now all grown up. i'm sending his family a christmas card - that should be interesting! i think i'm going to write an "update" Christmas letter this year too to stick with my cards. should be interesting.
yesterday i didn't have 8 a.m. class, which was great. i went to speech, then basic newswriting, then astronomy, then back to the dorm to write my stories, then to the volante meeting, then out to dinner at McD's with justin, then to Campus Crusade, then to HyVee to pick up pics for photoj, then to the computer lab and then back. justin ended up going with me to CRU last night, so it was nice to go with someone i knew. everyone was really nice, and vondo was there too it turned out, which rocked. i really liked it. i think i'm going to start going to their events. a guy spoke last night about how Christ changed his life - how he was a "scrubby" college sophomore going no where, deep in sin, addicted to porn and how Christ changed his life around, set his heart on fire for Him and how he's never been the same since. i wish i felt like that, i really do. he talked about surrender, and about witnessing. he talked about how he went on a missions trip to Myrtle Beach and how guys there were handing out mardi gras beads to girls who would flash them, and how he ended up witnessing to a girl who accepted Christ, and how she wanted to give him something in return but all she had to give was the string of beads she'd "earned" a few hours earlier. how incredible is that? he still has the string, and prays for her. it's a lot like what we have to give Christ, you know? and then he introduced his fiancee. he proposed the night before and she said yes. it was really pretty incredible. he had a great story.
well, i need to find a church and just go this sunday. i think i'll try 1st baptist. their theology looks less than stellar, but you make lemonade out of lemons, right? or whatever? dunno. i'll pray about it. we'll see. wish i was back in Omaha. i'd like to check out Covenant again. it was good last sunday. i wish a church around here had a C.S. Lewis Wednesday class - i'd be all over it like white on rice! lol.
last night liz from the newspaper and i were talking, and we ended up figuring out that we both had nightmare roomies and had applied for new roomies! we spent last night emailing back and forth, talking to our hall directors and trying super hard to get a dorm room together. i hope it works. the girl is a complete sweetheart, and we're a lot alike! plus she doesn't drink or smoke, which, is like a HUGE bonus!
another thing the guy said last night was that if God had meant for the bible to appeal to our heads, it would have been a textbook. but He meant for it to appeal to our hearts, so it's a book of stories. i liked that.
well, i think that's all for now. i wish i had more to write but nothing else is really on my mind. i'm trying to figure out if i tell people i'm changing churches or what. there are some people i'm close to back in omaha who i should tell ... oh i don't know. someone a lot wiser than me said quite awhile ago that if i ever made the decision to do it, it should be for God - that i should do it and forget what everyone else thinks. maybe that answers it. the decision isn't up for anyone else's approval. alright, there's a good decision for once. now it's just a matter of who to send christmas cards too. awkard! *sighs* it's not about that, is it?
i'm back from dinner, and i decided to write a little more. procrastinating? probably. but i WILL get work done tonight, right, Lord? lol.
tonight i put some Latin posters on my door. graphically, due to placement and font, the english catches one's eye and the Latin is lost, but, I know what they mean. it's not like they'll be on my door for that long, anyways. It's Dec. 1 and i'll be out of here in, what 16 days? which, like i've said before, is thrilling and scary at the same time. thrilling because, well, i'll be home. scary because, well, there's so much to get done. that i should be doing now. ha.
so today i turned in my application for a new roommate, which was a partial relief. i said i'd like to be in burgess hall, which is an all women's hall, but that anything outside of this room would be just fine. i had my roommate sign it yesterday, but i didn't fill out my reasons for a change until after she signed it because i knew she wouldn't sign it if i did. she denies everything. bad move on her part probably, but i figured that was her bad. you never sign anything that's not fully filled out. but i'm sure she doesn't think about those things and we're not talking anyways. she frustrates me SO MUCH. gets a bazillion calls, especially in the middle of the night, steals my stuff, lies, abuses my property, throws her crap on my side, uses my cell phone without asking, turns off my alarm after it's been going off for like 2 mins and i almost miss class, etc. it humors me because i haven't missed class because of her so far and i always catch her doing it and she grunts when i bring it up. her alarm has gone off for hours before, and i would never shut hers off because that would be rude and she needs to get to class. i even try to help wake her up sometimes. anyways, i really do feel bad about the whole situation though. at first i let a lot of things slide, and then when everything finally came out, i wasn't mean, but i wasn't sugary sweet and i'm sure it seemed to her like i was going off on a bunch of "small" things but i don't know, she just doesn't have any common decency or respect or manners. i feel bad for her because she's had a rough life and she's supposedly trying to mend it, but ... i want to say that all i see her doing is screwing up - going back to the same partying, drugs, and annoying the heck out of me in the process. but when i say that, i think about me ... what does God do with me? i mess up SO ... much ... like 100% of the time. God can probably truthfully say he doesn't see much, if any, improvement yet He's still so gracious. so anyway, yesterday i wrote her three notes and told her she was a nightmare to live with, extremely dirty, she needed manners, she can never use anything of mine again (and this time i really mean it) and that i never want to talk to her again. she just tries my patience SO MUCH. but it doesn't matter. i mean, i could have said a lot of worse things. she is dirty. and rude. and a nightmare. but after i left those notes, i had that verse running through my head about how we're not supposed to say things unless they're edifying. so despite the fact that the letter told the truth, i shouldn't have told her i never wanted to talk to her again and i shouldn't have said anything, probably, because she never fixes things anyway. i don't know. i don't know. i feel bad because i feel like ... we went into this roommate deal and she knew i was a christian and this whole semester i haven't found a church, she's seen me cuss, etc. i so struggled with this whole ... i someone steals your tunic, give them your jacket too or whatever ... i rebelled against it. i wondered, but if someone is eating all your food, etc what do you do? let them keep doing it? my parents even offered to buy food for the both of us because of that Bible verse but i told them no. common sense told me no. friends told me no. i told me no. and i still don't know. God, do you really let someone use absolutely everything of yours, take everything from you? i guess the answer is YES. i don't know. all i know is i'm sure my witness never shined through, and it doesn't really matter what she did because i'm not accountable for that. i'm accountable for what i did - which i guess is mess up. i'm writing an article about this Agape group that goes around campus doing random acts of kindness. the missionary in charge was telling me how the group's philosophy is that Christ never went around just preaching - he did acts of mercy, peace and justice and then preached the truth. it's a long story, but i found out quite a few people at my high school thought i was the "Bible beating" type. part of that was they hated me, and they hated Christians. but i think a large part of that is, even now, people know me as the pious one (pious compared to them, maybe, but they'd be surprised) and the one who's always telling them what they should and shouldn't do morally (for good reason, it seems to me) but do i do random acts of kindness? is Christ living through me? how do i treat others? is there a joy? you know? and the answer is no.
the truth is, this semester, i haven't found a church. i've thrived off of a few people who, of course, because they are people, can't fulfill my every need, and especially not these few. i've walked around with my head down. i've been extremely unconfident, not very close to God, kind of antisocial, pretty unproductive. i don't know. i haven't been a joyus example, i haven't been disciplined. i haven't been a good steward of my time or my money or my talents. i've just been. every day was another effort to get by. and now i'm praying that i get by through finals with the grades i need. i think everything will be fine - i just basically have to maintain, except i have to pull astro up. but there is a lot to do before then.
maybe i just said a lot of nothing up there.
last night i finally made it out to the required star gazing. i was a little ticked about being required to drive out and find this place, in the pitch dark (rural south dakota, anyone) beyond the high way on a dirt road that dead ends in some old golf course. i found it before sunset, and made my way back around 7. let me tell you though, it was INCREDIBLE. it was so dark out there that you could see so many starts. my first thought, however dorky it was, was "look the sky has freckles!" i can't describe it. all i can say is that if you're ever by Vermillion, give me a call because you have to see this place to believe it. the starts were twinkling, you could see all these constellations, and we even saw the north star and the milky way.
i'm kind-of looking forward to friday. evidently at 6 p.m. our tiny "downtown" is having it's christmas tree and city lighting, as well as hot chocolate. i think i'll go down for fun, and to take some night pictures for photojournalism and get those reshoots out of the way. there's no one for me to really go with, but a cammera is a good thing to hide behind, i must say.
well, there's work to be done, so i'm going to go. i need to find a church here this sunday. docternally they all seem pretty poor ... but i think i need to sit down with my Bible and figure out what i believe and why i believe it. i want to believe what i believe because it's evident to me in the Bible ... not because it's what i was fed and grew up with. i feel like my doctrine is so rigid that almost no church will satisy me, and there's something wrong with that, i think. the heart. it's all about the heart. way too easy to get get up in the doctrine, quote on quote, and forget the heart of Christ, as a good friend once said. sure, certain docternal points are too vital to be compromised, but the fact still remains that ... theology can become no better than philosophy if it's not sustained personally with faith, hope and love and i am well aware i can be guilty of that. as for the church ordeal at home ... i liked what i saw of covenant, but i need to pray about it. that i go for the right reasons, and not the awesome people that go there. i've done that before. and that i made the right decision in leaving. my conscience won't let me attend without taking action, and i feel like i've been there, done that and am not in town enough anymore anyway to really leave an impact. it kind of feels like, then, why am i looking for a church since i'm not there much anyway? but i know it's the right thing to do. it hurts though, because now i have some explaining to do. i need to not worry about what other people think, just what He thinks. but it hurts leaving some people and wondering "what if?" it hurts loosing that familiarity and comfort zone.
pax,
erin
4:29 p.m. and it's dusk. i just heard Jimmy Wayne's "Paper Angels" on CMT. great song. funny to think a year ago i was transcribing that interview. what a story. too bad it never printed. hard to believe that was just a year ago.
when i came back, i brought some Christmas decorations and christmas cards. it's kind of neat to already have a little box of decorations amassed - mostly dolls and candles. a small, porcelin, colorless nativity. all of those have been placed out. i keep thinking "it's WAY to early to write Christmas cards" but really, there are only 24 more days until Christmas! how crazy is that? i need to make a list and work on them some weekend. trouble is, i have finals to study for, homework to do and pitch letters to send out to magazines and newspapers. i'm also contemplating sending out an "update letter" like some people do, since i haven't seen so many people in such a long time. we'll see.
lately i've been thinking a lot about someone who was put in the same situation as i, and how different he or she ended up reacting. at first we reacted in much the same ways, all of which i believe weren't perfect but were suitable. i know his or her heart was in the right place, but was mine? since then, i've grown harder and i've watched this person's heart grow softer and reach out in ways that makes me want to shake him or her and say "DO YOU REMEMBER?! DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT THEY DID TO YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" but it always comes back to me - Why do I still remember? Why am I still holding a grudge? Am I even thinking about what I'm doing any longer? I care SO much about what others think - I need to stop that. I feel like I've changed to much, but I feel so blind. I feel like I walk around in a haze - a selfish haze. I've always been self-centered and yet the worst judge of myself and my actions. Lord, just grant me eyes to see the truth - especially about myself.
Tonight there's homework, planning, cleaning, etc to do. Not much different than all the other nights. Tomorrow's 8 am class was canceled, which is awesome. I still need to be up early to do work, however.
Truth. Courage. Discipline. I need so much.
Guess that's all for now. Everyone drop me a line and let me know how yall are.
if you're not - i don't blame you. ;)